I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
