last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
