Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
