you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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