cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
