my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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