New low: just hacked my moms facebook
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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