I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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