I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
