I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
