I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
