I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
