My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
