I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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