btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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