so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
