I just saw a hot homeless man
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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