I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
