wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
