im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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