peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
