how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
