Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
