I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
