it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
