is your mom at the bar?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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