So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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