fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
