i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
