Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
