I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i need some magic done to my vagina
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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