Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
