1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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