Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
