She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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