I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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