having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
