you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
