wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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