I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
