Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
