I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
