I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
