Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
