I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
