uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
