i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize