we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize