I wanna bring you to show and tell
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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