I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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