M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
