i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
