I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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