she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
