i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize