i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wear drunk well.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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