I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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