I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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