When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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