What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
