I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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