Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
