nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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