There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
